The years have been short, but the days were long.

I'm aware that post #1 very well might have been titled "Wahh, I have problems." I don't regret spilling my guts, my petty concerns, and a confirmation [or four] that I have unmistakable self worth and insecurity issues. We introspective types are hyper-aware of these as well as the eight hundred probable reasons they exist. I think one of my biggest issues of all is that I try not to burden others with my problems, and so sometimes I stow them away until I have a weekend like last weekend-- also called a meltdown. All in all, I'm glad I wrote everything down and began this blog. Anna Nalick had something to say about that.

Today was atypical, which has been the norm. I realize that's an oxymoron, but when I'm in a stressful period of my life, every event seems utterly significant and potentially hazardous.

Ah, bullets:

• Wake up at 3:30am, hungry. I only jumped back on the exercise bandwagon about a month ago, so hungry was barely in my vocabulary before. I eat half a slice of Ezekiel cinnamon raisin bread, some applesauce, and a couple of bites of rice. And water. Brief thoughts of weight gain. Quickly mentally shooed away, because those thoughts have gotten out of hand in the past. 
• Wake up again at 8am and get ready for work in a fairly panicky manner, though this still involves coffee. To counteract the coffee, I make a carrot and parsley juice and take all of my vitamins. As per usual, I feel much better after the juice and vita's than the coffee. Duh, Lori.
• Attribute the panic to the following: My team leader/therapist at work put a very difficult patient on my schedule who I didn't even evaluate. This is not protocol. I'm a therapist, not a PTA, so I really didn't even know what I was going to be working with. I youtube different thoracic manipulation techniques to brush up.
• Get to work and realize I've been doing this for long enough that I can surely get through a patient treatment. My oh my, how I torture myself.
• Same therapist from the day before prances over to my area and says "I have a patient for you to meet! She's going to see you on Friday!" She's done it again. I am not a pushover! I tell her that this is not acceptable. She brushes me off.
• I furiously eat a Fuji apple and return to computer for paperwork over my lunch break.
• Therapist returns to explain why she did this again, to which I respond why it is not ok. She apologizes and somewhat caves by saying she will "try" not to do this again. I am slightly relieved.
• Kick-ass patient comes in with his nurse and we have a jovial time.
• Friend and future co-worker stops by and we chit-chat.
• Last two HOURS of the day are cancelled because people didn't schedule and/or canceled. 
• I run two miles (this is a lot for me!) and did some leg strength stuff. I have left lower extremity radiculopathy, fancy for weakness in my leg because of my back; though I typically have no pain, it stresses me out to jump ahead 20 years and know what condition I could be in. And ski season is soon!
• I go grocery shopping. In the cart go veggies, garlic and caramelized onion hummus, "marathon bread" (don't tease me about 2 miles vs. marathon), Ezekiel cin/raisin, Cashewtopia raw ice cream, kale chips, aloe/wheatgrass/coconut water. I am clearly feeling spendy. 
• I come home, and Mom is proud of me for standing up for myself. I find this cute. The fam watches House and Survivor. I do not like Ozzy anymore and am happy to see him on Redemption Island. 
• I decide that I will in fact attend boy-from-last-post's 30th birthday bar crawl, because I could use a couple of drinks, and do not want another self pity weekend. I also do not hold grudges
• My friend Sarah from college agrees to join me, and I am no longer fuming like 8 hours prior. I smile, legitimately excited for the weekend. 
• Computer dies (during the writing of this post). Subdued mental worry ensues while I plug in computer, re-heat my tea, and play with my cats briefly -- "Man. If I wrote that all for nothing I'm going to be pretty pissed. I think those were some good bullets."
• Post is still alive. Things have come a long way since LiveJournal.